Ordinary Visionary

Le Update

It has been weeks since I've written anything here and it hasn't been for lack of thought or imagination but for lack of time. Ever since Vance and I got engaged life has been going non-stop, and so tonight I'm taking advantage of my unusual alertness in order to catch my blog up to my life…

The past couple of months have been extremely cleansing for both Vance and me. I described it to Jenn earlier as a "stirring up of dust" in our lives, and while it has been exceedingly difficult at times I truly feel that it is leading us both in a positive direction and that we are becoming stronger for having been through it. We are learning to talk openly about real issues, to fight for one another, and to love one another through things. How blessed are we to begin learning these lessons before we are even married.

In the midst of all of the dust-stirring was a flurry of wedding planning activity — everything from tasting what our guests will be served at the reception (it's going to be so good) to asking close friends and relatives to join our wedding party to choosing the most incredible dress I will ever wear… Luckily, I think we're through the worst of it and we can just have fun planning the little details from this point forward.

Speaking of the wedding, our photographer, Joriann, spent the better part of last saturday with us in West Palm Beach shooting our engagement photos. She gave us a sneek peak of some of the frames and I am absolutely thrilled. Until I found her, I feared that we'd end up spending hundreds of dollars on a photographer who would give us pictures that would sit in a lonely album collecting dust until a major anniversary or family reunion. But this woman shoots art, and is a ton of fun to work with.

All of my closest friends here are out of the country, from China to Europe. I'm praying unceasingly that they are being used as a light to the people they encounter, and that they will return home safely soon.

I've left my job as the marketing administrator for STATUS, which stings for the moment but will ultimately be the best thing. Development has started for the next release of PayPerPost.com, which promises to be the largest scale, most challenging project I have ever worked on. It's cool — really cool. But it's daunting at the same time to think of how much work needs to be done in the coming weeks.

As busy as I've been, I have still been blessed with solitude and a heightened awareness of downtime. It hits me every so often when my mind shakes off the day that this is a moment I have to myself. It's amazing how much more reading and writing and praying I get done when I realize that I have a moment to rest, un-accounted-for time I can fill with whatever fills me.

And I think that about brings you to tonight, having worked out and changed into pajamas, fed the dog and eaten trail mix for dinner, poured myself a glass of milk and sat down at the table with one foot up in the chair… This is a moment I have to myself.

Organic Meats and Little Pink Pills

Several weeks ago I made the decision to go (mostly) organic, restricting all of the meat and most of the other animal products I consume to organic-only. I figured I'd update you here because the journey has been a bit of a wreck and I'd hate for you to make the same decision without knowing what may be ahead of you.

First, eating out is a challenge because suddenly you're The Tree Hugging Vegetarian who can order all of two things on the average menu. But somehow that becomes second nature after a while, right around the time you realize that you're spending on average $2 less than you were on the average meal. You'll need those extra $2 bonuses to pile up for when you go to the grocery store and suffer the sticker shock of buying organic meats. (You may even consider going vegetarian if only for the cost, but you'll come to your senses after a moment and continue on with your shopping.)

I know that every body (two words intended) is different, but the effects going organic has had on my body have been extremely unpleasant. For the first five days or so, I didn't notice the difference. My friend Kate had warned me about hot flashes and cold sweats and fevers, but I figured by this point that I was home free. Around day six, though, I noticed that I was increasingly nauseous after every meal. I started having dizzy spells and hot flashes and breaking out into cold sweats at random inconvenient moments.

And then (around week four) my digestive system just stopped working. I noticed after about four days and took two little pink pills, which was probably the worst punishment I have ever put my body through. After another week, I did it again, the second time taking half the dose but having no less of the side effects. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say I have never come so close to having my eyes dislodge from my skull from my wide-eyed response to pain.

All that said, I'd do it again if given the choice, almost because of the reaction my body has had. The one thing I would change is the little pink pills… I'm pretty sure it's the closest thing I will know to the pain of childbirth without actually giving birth.

A Brief Thought on Leadership

I have two regular drinks at Starbucks, a double tall toffee nut latte and an iced venti caramel macchiatto. At first my habit tripped up the baristas at the downtown Starbucks, but eventually they grew to smile when they remember which of my two regulars I am going to order.

On this particular morning, though, the person taking my order was a manager, who was training a new employee. As the barista called out my order I nodded in agreement, and I watched the manager repeat my order aloud without looking at his trainee, type a few keys, and hand me my receipt. He repeated this again and again as I waited for my latte.

I wonder if the manager even knows his apprentice's name.

I wonder if the trainee picked up any of what just happened on the other side of his trainer's back.

Because leadership isn't about showing someone all the neat tricks you know how to do. It's about stepping back and helping someone else to develop those tricks in himself. Watching her make the same mistakes you made, and even a few you didn't. Doing whatever you can to serve him in his efforts at following your example.

wisdom vs. knowledge

Talking to a sort of friend this afternoon, he asked me what the difference was between wisdom and knowledge. I assume that he had an answer of his own, but he likes to get input from people before he gives a message (he's a youth director)…

When did there ever become a question as to the difference between wisdom and knowledge? Are the lines so blurred that they begin to look like the same thing? Suddenly the guy with the PhD is the first person to come into our minds when we think of someone who has wisdom?

That's a terrifying thought, that in order to gain wisdom you have to pay for an education and take some tests and it will be instilled in you. Somehow through four years spent in cement-walled rooms nodding off during lectures, you get a piece of paper that implies wisdom? Nonsense.

Knowledge and wisdom are, I would argue, inseparably linked, but they are not the same thing. Computers can store nearly unlimited "knowledge" (facts, pictures, literature, etc). But ask a computer to give you wisdom about the gear in your life and you'll only get a regurgitation of knowledge. Your name is Jamie. You are a Computer Science major at UCF. You are taking Artificial Intelligence this semester. You graduate in 26 days. But… I wanted to know what I should be doing with my life after graduation! That wasn't helpful at all!

Wisdom is not a simple restatement of facts. It's facts with a purpose, facts with both a forward direction and a history, facts set into motion.

I likened it to this (and I'm planning my first Thanksgiving dinner so forgive me if I'm a little excited about food): Knowledge is stuff in a pantry. Canned pumpkin. Sugar. Vanilla extract. Wisdom is knowing how to combine those foods into something delicious. You can have all the vanilla extract in the world but unless you have some way to use it with a purpose, there's no way anybody's coming to your next dinner party.

So where should we go to find wisdom? I tend to start with people. There are people in my life who are living examples of Truth — of Christ's love, of the application of scripture — and those are the ones I will (or rather, should) go to first when I am seeking wisdom. People whose lives are pointed in a trajectory toward Truth. They are the only ones who can steer me right. I won't necessarily just listen to their words; I'll listen to their life.

Then I thought about it a minute longer and realized that I should be seeking wisdom not just from people living in the Truth (although that's essential too), but also from the source of the Truth itself. From God through prayer and from the written Word.

It's so trivial, so elementary. Yet we forget. We forget because the pattern of success in our society includes an education and a decent salary. We forget because often the people living in the Truth are not people we want to party with all the time. Maybe.

Here's my final thought for the night. In the end I don't want to assume that I have wisdom because I have a Bachelor of Science degree. Wisdom doesn't stop at a piece of paper hanging in a frame on a wall. Wisdom doesn't stop at all. It is not a point in space, but a moving projectile, a vector with a beginning but no end, pointed toward the Truth that is Christ. If my life looks like that, then count me among those with some wisdom. If not, perhaps you have the wisdom to impart that can point me in the right direction.

reflections :: small things

Written while waiting for an oil change at Tires Plus.

---

I'm dazzled by bananas. The engineering that went into these delicious, snack-sized treats is incredible. Think for a moment about the ergonomic qualities of the banana: the smooth yet solid packaging, the "tab" at the top that can be easily pulled to open the package, the perforation that allows the parts of the packaging to be easily pulled back without scissors, the way it curves toward the mouth when held in the hand, the incredible vitamin and potassium content packed inside, the built-in freshness indicator that works like a battery level indicator but without having to squeeze two tiny buttons most fingers are too big to control.

Whoever designed the banana should really get one of those product design awards. It's sheer genius.

I fear we've stopped being dazzled by the small stuff. I delight in the banana today only because I read an eloquent opening to a chapter of God Doesn't Believe in Atheists that contained the same illustration. I'm not conditioned to think about bananas, about the design of things that are freely given to us. I'm not conditioned to look at a mountain range and see God's artistry, much less a small piece of fruit that sells for 49¢ per pound at Publix.

I'm conditioned to look at man's accomplishments in awe and wonder. To look at buildings and cars and sleek Apple laptops and diamond rings and shiny things as if I was staring into the face of God Himself. I rarely look at the things freely given with such admiration as I do the things bought and manufactured by men.

When was the last time you looked at a pea pod and wondered at the Architect who designed it? Or climbed a mountain and realized you were in the midst of something no human could ever dream of creating?

I am visiting North Carolina this weekend and am sure that there will be times when I will be resigned to sit in awe at the Creation that surrounds me. I can't wait to look at the waterfall as the uncanny work of physics that it is, and listen to the chorus of the forest realizing that it's God's symphony being played.

Praise God for frogs and bananas and small things.

Did that just happen?

I just waited an hour at the second FedEx sort facility I visited today to receive a package. Guess how long the line was. No really, just guess.

Trick question, there wasn't a line. I was the only person waiting, in an old security office with no air conditioning. I watched about two dozen FedEx employees get frisked leaving the facility and at least that many semi trucks passing by the window.

It was so hot outside I started to feel dizzy and had to catch myself from falling asleep standing up. I was so happy to finally see my package from Woot! arrive…

Driving home things got weirder — I saw an old fashioned pink barber's chair with a dryer in the middle of a divided highway (John Young Parkway). Just sitting there. Random!

Then a few blocks down the road I had to blink several times to make sure I was really reading the words on a billboard: Paul Szott, DMD Dental Associates, Inc. Relax! Massage Therapy Now Available! We do chickens, too!

I don't even get it. Since when do chickens have teeth?

Strange day.

Discrete // Free Will

Thoughts about tonight's Calvinism/Arminianism debate at STATUS peek into the folds of my mind as I study for a Discrete quiz I am taking Monday night… Moving abstract philosophies into the world I know can help me to see things concretely, so here it is for the geeks among us.

I look at the humans in Calvinism as simple computers. No free will, just the ability to do exactly what the programmer (God) invoked with the hardware they are made of (manufactured by God). God creates the computer and the program that runs on it, entirely sequential and without if statements. We are 1s and 0s, nothing more.

And I look at the human in Arminianism as a finite state automata. A sequence of choices between nonterminals (which lead to more choices) and/or terminals (end states), laid out by the designer of the system. These choices are limited to what is allowed by the design, but they are choices nonetheless. Or he (the human) is the user… He is able to produce freely with his computer but only what has been made possible by the programmer and hardware designer (both God).

And then there's my own view of things — we are users as in Arminianism but the programmer/hardware designer is sitting at His Mac with Remote Desktop open, able to take control whenever He pleases. His desire to step in and take control of what we're doing trumps our free will. But for many of us, we'll scarcely notice His presence. We can't see Him (though we can see the effect of His action); we know He's there, watching us, and able to change what we're doing if He pleases. I'll take it further and say that when we get stuck it only makes sense to ping Him and ask for help… and to thank Him for the guidance and tools He's provided to us.

Thoughts?

How Liberal Am I?

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

New Podcast

I just wanted to put a quick plug for my church back in West Palm Beach on here. Tonight I set them up with a podcast (a word probably less than 1% of the congregation knows the definition of). I had been keeping a page on the website with all of the digitized (from analog tapes, mind you) versions of Donn's sermons and it only made sense to move it to a podcast. So if you're interested please add the XML link to your iTunes podcast subscriptions!

Link: FirstChristianWPB.org Podcast.

My Dating Game Sports Card

Josh Loveless preached tonight at STATUS (The Newlywed Game) on relationships. During his message he said that his sports card for this "dating game" would look pretty sucky — it was just filled with a ton of losses. So it got me thinking about what my own scorecard might look like and I was not impressed! So I went home and Photoshopped one up for the sake of both humor and authenticity. (I have to admit I stole a template from Adobe for this work of art). Here it is...

Determine the meaning of "wins" and "losses" and "home runs" (haha) for yourself...

Really expensive cat toy

Oh, I am definitely amused… All I can say is I hope that cat was de-clawed.

Link: Vimeo / really expensive cat toy video clip (from mattcoats).

Warning Label

A friend of mine recently told me that I should come with a warning label. Inspired by the mind-numbing ABC sitcom Freddie¹, I bought a shirt that says, "I'm Complex." That's about as descriptive a label as I could find. But I found an even better label on some silly quiz site so here it is…

THIS WAY UP á

Jamie has fragile contents which may break!

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

It's kind of ironic given both my personality and my history of falling down the stairs, stabbing my hand, dancing in pointe shoes, twisting into (yoga) knots and other things that are painful to watch. But I like it — dangit be careful with me I might break one of these days!

¹ In one of the first episodes a girl was wearing a shirt that said "Psycho" and Freddie commented, "Hey — you came with a label!"

24 Hours of Jack Bauer

I just bought the entire Season 5 of 24 on iTunes. I used to have to spend a weekend alone at home to watch a season of 24 (it's pretty much real-time with me — I am so hardcore), but now I can take the obsession with me wherever I go… Even more hardcore.

Thank you, Apple Computer, for continuing to find new and better reasons for me to stare deep into my computer screen 24 hours a day. Because programming was such an uncool excuse.

What Kind of Coffee Am I?

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn't cutting it Your caffeine addiction level: medium

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

My slogan!

I sloganized my name at The Surrealist and here it is…

Ha! I love it.